I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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