playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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