i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
