i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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