i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
