I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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