babies were throwing up all over the place
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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