her vagine was all disorganized.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
