My room smells like vodka and shame
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
