She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
