Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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