I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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