i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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