i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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