I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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