dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
