do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
