seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She needs sedatives and a leash
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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