what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
