No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
