i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
