dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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