actually, I'm a sock model
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
