I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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