That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
