i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
