I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
