god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
