just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
