Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
