she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
