chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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