Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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