yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
