Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
