Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
