Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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