apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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