Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
