Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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