Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
