It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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