I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
