yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
