Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
