We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk is not a location!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
