I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
