My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You don't make any sense
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