the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
