brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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