Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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