I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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