I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
