I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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